Streatham: Centre of The Universe

As the general election campaign finally draws to a close one thing has become apparent. Streatham is very much at the centre of the political universe. With the Tories standing little chance in Streatham, David Cameron didn’t bother coming to town. He did, however, visit a school nearby in Kennington, where he was confronted by a Streatham man, Jonothan Bartley, about Tory plans for special schools for disabled children. A meeting which embarrased the party leader by making front page news. The real fight here has been between Labour’s rising star, Chuka Umunna & The Lib Dem candidate Chris Nicholson. It’s become an increasingly close battle leading to both parties throwing their big guns at us. Gordon Brown has visited Streatham twice recently. The first was a visit to Hitherfield Primary School, with Ed Balls & Andy Burnham, to open Britain’s 3,500th Sure Start Centre. This was just prior to the official start of the election campaign. The second was on Sunday when he made a surprise visit to the New Testament Church of God (technically on Brixton Hill, but part of the Streatham constituency), where he quoted scripture in a rousing speech which marked the start of his fight back, after a campaign which some had likened to a car crash.

This followed the visits by David Milliband and Harriet Harman, who came to help Chuka campaign the week before. However, the biggest news story this election has been the rise of Cleggmania, so when The Lib Dem Battle Bus rolled in to town on Monday, the worlds media were there waiting, as well as a few hyper local bloggers such as myself, Jason Cobb, Brixton Blog, Sly & Reggie and the the man who stole the show, Wolfgang Moneypenny of Free South London (more from him in a moment). It was Sly & Reggie who kicked off proceedings for me by driving in to the centre of the crowds in their Morris Minor truck/stage and launching in to a rendition of their song Cleggmania, which angered Glen Neil, the director of The Palace Project, who was hosting the event and clearly couldn’t see the humour. You can listen to the track below and if you like it then check out Sly & Reggie’s other tribute to Clegg, ‘Nick Clegg’s Fault’.

Cleggmaniabysly and reggie

But it wasn’t just Glen Neil who was angry. Labour placard wavers who’d turned up to crash the event jostled with Lib Dem placard wavers whilst the Tories drove a giant billboard through proceedings leading to plenty of pushing and shoving. When the revolutionary freedom fighter, ‘Wolfgang Moneypenny‘ entered the fray things got even more interesting. Labour Council candidate, Clarence Thompson MBE, began heckling Wolfgang, goaded on by a Lib Dem activist who was keen for these two to make fools of themselves in front of the press. They soon found common ground though and were shaking hands while Wolfgang proclaimed Clarence to be a local hero.

Then, nearly an hour late, the battle bus rolled down the street and, after four hundred odd journalists, photographers, PA’s and hangers-on stepped off, Nick Clegg emerged in to the scrum and was quickly bundled in to the community centre. Former Playschool presenter Floella Benjamin gave him a rousing introduction and he stepped up to deliver a speech, drawing huge applause for attacks on Gordon Brown and his “illegal war” and David Cameron for being so complacent that he was already measuring for curtains at number ten. His message to Dave “In this country you don’t inherit power. You earn it”.

Find more photos like this on The Streatham Network

Tomorrow night (or Friday morning actually) at approximately 3.30am we will find out how all this has affected the election in Streatham. But until then I will leave you with Wolfgang Moneypenny, who is writing exclusively for Streatham Pulse about his trip to Streatham on Monday. Over to You Wolfgang.

I grew up in Streatham. I am a Streathamite. In my most passionate moments I even shout in Streathamish.

But, until yesterday, I hadn’t returned to my hometown for far too long. Squirreled away planning anarcho-situationist hyperlocal revolution in my top secret commune, touring South London’s many other hotspots, I had neglected Streatham…

And so I resolved to don my bicorne & aviators and return to the mammary teat of my transpontine motherland.

Thanks to a tip off from my network of info-nozzles, I had learnt that Liberal Democrat leader and messiah-of-the-month Nick Clegg was also planning to visit Streatham. Ever vigilant for opportunities to increase media exposure for the South London independence movement, I decided my homecoming should coincide with this event.

And so it was.

National media thronged outside the Palace community centre. Lib Dem supporters placard-wrestled with polite Labour troublemakers. I turned up, my heart already soaring with nostalgic pride at the mere sight & smell of near-by Streatham Hill, before Clegg and the yellow battle bus had arrived.

I got stuck in. My placard and revolutionary uniform sparked interest and I found myself subject to the attentions of countless photographers whilst I debated my separatist regionalization platform with local political figures and party supporters, all amidst the click-click-click of a dozen cameras.

The confusion amongst the press was brilliantly tangible. Was I for real? Is South London independence plausible? Can anyone dressed with such a fabulous hat be politically serious in a world of grey careerists? All valuable questions that I am happy to spark off.

But then Clegg & his electioneering machinery arrived, briefly turning attention away from my revolutionary posturing. The media/supporter scrum swarmed around the Lib Dem leader – surface deep in staged conversation with Streatham PPC Chris Nicholson.

Clegg was flanked by his wife, Miriam Gonzalez Durantez. I was instantly drawn to her sexy mumsiness. “¡Miriam es guapa!” I hollered. She smiled beautifully and looked at me with a mixture of coyness & hunger.

This was a splendidly exciting return to Streatham. Cameras. Action. Romance. Weather oscillating from hailstorms to stunning summer.

But how Streathamish was this homecoming? A Sheffield MP, leader of a mainstream political party, brings his national election campaign into Streatham – one of countless quick stops during an increasingly frantic transBritish campaign. Lib Dem & Labour supporters – at least some from outside of the constituency – obeying their nationwide party leaders. Streatham viewed through the cold numbercrunching demographic & psephological analysis rather than the warmth of feeling & knowing How many other towns have experienced this exact kind of thing during this election campaign? Hmmm…

The hyperlocal silver lining in what was a generic event were the local bloggers, including BrixtonBlog, OnionBagBlog & myself. And, of course, a certain StreathamPulse.

After Clegg left for another homogenous event and I had finished the meeting & greeting of everyone from my old university Chancellor Floella Benjamin to nameless jounos, I took a walk down memory lane. Towards Mitcham Lane. Punchdrunk on shots of nostalgia, seeing the places I had grown up, shocked at how much I’d forgotten and how much I’d remembered. It was here that the non-localism of the day’s event struck me.

What I realised during the day was an intensification of what I was trying to explain to the humancogs of the old political mechanisms. Globalisation & regionalization are the dynamic social processes in the contemporary age. A mainstream political event like this, whilst no do doubt fun, an amusing bizarre ritual, seems to miss the point(s).

I think, comrades, we owe it to our ‘bourhoods to demand more of politicians & the media to, y’know, represent. Take stock of the nuances that can make a place beautiful, ugly or – best of all – a duality of the two.

From the Common to the Hill, Streatham is Streatham, for better and worse. As this site says: Celebrate Streatham.

The nation-state is dead. Long live Streatham. And viva South London.

Peace & War.

Tags: Brixton Blog, Chris Nicholson, Chuka Umunna, Clarence Thompson, Cleggmania, David Cameron, Election Campaign, Free South London, General Election, Gordon Brown, Jason Cobb, Nick Clegg, Palace Project, Sly & Reggie, Streatham, Streatham Hill, Wolfgang Moneypenny
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